Sometimes I have dark and twisted thoughts.
I imagine we probably all do from time to time.
The difference with me, however, is that I usually write them down.
If they aren't long enough to turn into an entry, I send them to my friend Phil, and he records himself reading my dark and twisted thoughts aloud in a very calm and sincere voice. Then, he sends the recording back to me and I slap on some animated words and a musical track by Schumann and post them on a YouTube channel called Phizzy Essence.
Here's one of our Phizzy Essence videos to get you all into a Black Friday mood:
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Typical Morning Thoughts
The day starts like any other day and I am up when I am up and my mind reboots into reality and what a harsh reality it can be.
But today is the day and I am going to live in the moment and not let my past make me cringe in regret and I am not going to let my future loom before me in a messy mass of uncertainty and worry and fear.
I am not perfect, but I am going to be the best person I can be, the full package, not perfect, but not the worst, perhaps a bit quirky, I mean, it's not like I am crazy or dangerous or anything, although I do spend a lot of time talking to myself, but...
Today is my day, and today I am going to utilize my energy and time in positive ways, aside from the nine hours of work and the eight hours of sleep and the hour or two of commute time and...
Wait...what does that add up to?
Nine and eight and two and...did I include eating? I have to include eating, I'm not a machine, for crying out loud. I can't just go full throttle and not eat, I might pass out at work...
Gotta get to work...wait...what time it is?
Is that clock set to the correct time or is that the clock I set twenty minutes ahead to make sure that I am never late? Should I be recalculating the time like that? I shouldn't, right? That defeats the purpose of setting it forward.
Holy crap! Is that the TIME!?
Wait...no, that's the stove clock I forgot to set backwards for Daylight Savings Time. Almost gave myself a heart attack, which is probably not far off in my future at the rate I am going. I need to exercise more. I should eat better food.
Who ever sets the stove clock anyway? I guess it got set at some point. It doesn't blink 12:00 like the microwave.
Why does the microwave have so many buttons and features? Has anyone used the "soften" button in the history of microwaves with a "soften" button? Whatever happened to simple elegance in interface design?
The toilet. Simple design. One control. One result. Unless it gets plugged. Then, it has two possible results. I don't like the second result.
I should probably set the microwave clock.
How do I set the microwave clock?
I should probably set the stove clock.
How do I set the stove clock?
Why does my kitchen smell weird? Is it onions? Did I cook something with onions last night? Was it the night before?
Why do we even eat onions, they smell horrible! Whose responsible for eating the first onion? Who would want to do that? Did they just eat a raw onion like an apple and conclude, with that strong and harsh flavor, that onions weren't poisonous?
Is it rotten chicken? Did I cook chicken this week?
I should run the garbage disposal. I should squirt dish soap in first and then run the garbage disposal.
Is there anything in the garbage disposal that I can't see? Like a spoon? Will it break if I turn it on? How can I tell? Should I reach in?
What if I was reaching into the garbage disposal and the power surged in some weird way and the garbage disposal turned on and chopped up my hand? What would I do? Is that normal to think about having my hand chopped up in the garbage disposal? Do other people think about losing their hand in a garbage disposal or am I just weird?
No, I'm not weird. I'm...actually...I'm lucky...I should feel lucky. I have a good job and both of my hands and I am fairly healthy and I'm not dead, yet. That's pretty good. Especially the death part.
Assuming that death is worse than existence, that is. Which it might not be. I mean, it's either pure love or non-existence or reincarnation...or Hell, but, come on, that seems a bit pessimistic, even for me, so it's probably reincarnation because that's the most difficult one to deal with once you throw Hell out of the mix.
That would just figure, right? Billions of years...over and over...of...this...
Plus, who knows? Why should I even be reincarnated as a human? Why should it even be on Earth? Maybe I will end up as a pile of intelligent orange goo on some distant planet in some distant galaxy. There's an awful lot of space in space. I could be anything, anywhere, at any time. Would the quality of my life be better or worse?
Quality of life is important. I have a good quality of life. I'm lucky, really.
My quality of life would definitely be worse if I chopped off my hand. I will just run the garbage disposal without checking.
Smells better. Must have been rotten chicken in the garbage disposal.
I should try to find the manual for the stove clock.
It's getting late, I have to get going. I have to get to work. That was a waste of time. Completely unproductive. Maybe I can make up the time on my lunch break.
Where's my lunch?
My coffee? My keys? My wallet? My shaver? My jacket? My book? My snack? My water?
Where's that thing that I am going to forget until I start driving for about five minutes?
Got 'em.
Gotta get going. Gotta go. Gotta get through this day. Gotta make it count.
Life...it's still there.
But today is the day and I am going to live in the moment and not let my past make me cringe in regret and I am not going to let my future loom before me in a messy mass of uncertainty and worry and fear.
I am not perfect, but I am going to be the best person I can be, the full package, not perfect, but not the worst, perhaps a bit quirky, I mean, it's not like I am crazy or dangerous or anything, although I do spend a lot of time talking to myself, but...
Today is my day, and today I am going to utilize my energy and time in positive ways, aside from the nine hours of work and the eight hours of sleep and the hour or two of commute time and...
Wait...what does that add up to?
Nine and eight and two and...did I include eating? I have to include eating, I'm not a machine, for crying out loud. I can't just go full throttle and not eat, I might pass out at work...
Gotta get to work...wait...what time it is?
Is that clock set to the correct time or is that the clock I set twenty minutes ahead to make sure that I am never late? Should I be recalculating the time like that? I shouldn't, right? That defeats the purpose of setting it forward.
Holy crap! Is that the TIME!?
Wait...no, that's the stove clock I forgot to set backwards for Daylight Savings Time. Almost gave myself a heart attack, which is probably not far off in my future at the rate I am going. I need to exercise more. I should eat better food.
Who ever sets the stove clock anyway? I guess it got set at some point. It doesn't blink 12:00 like the microwave.
Why does the microwave have so many buttons and features? Has anyone used the "soften" button in the history of microwaves with a "soften" button? Whatever happened to simple elegance in interface design?
The toilet. Simple design. One control. One result. Unless it gets plugged. Then, it has two possible results. I don't like the second result.
I should probably set the microwave clock.
How do I set the microwave clock?
I should probably set the stove clock.
How do I set the stove clock?
Why does my kitchen smell weird? Is it onions? Did I cook something with onions last night? Was it the night before?
Why do we even eat onions, they smell horrible! Whose responsible for eating the first onion? Who would want to do that? Did they just eat a raw onion like an apple and conclude, with that strong and harsh flavor, that onions weren't poisonous?
Is it rotten chicken? Did I cook chicken this week?
I should run the garbage disposal. I should squirt dish soap in first and then run the garbage disposal.
Is there anything in the garbage disposal that I can't see? Like a spoon? Will it break if I turn it on? How can I tell? Should I reach in?
What if I was reaching into the garbage disposal and the power surged in some weird way and the garbage disposal turned on and chopped up my hand? What would I do? Is that normal to think about having my hand chopped up in the garbage disposal? Do other people think about losing their hand in a garbage disposal or am I just weird?
No, I'm not weird. I'm...actually...I'm lucky...I should feel lucky. I have a good job and both of my hands and I am fairly healthy and I'm not dead, yet. That's pretty good. Especially the death part.
Assuming that death is worse than existence, that is. Which it might not be. I mean, it's either pure love or non-existence or reincarnation...or Hell, but, come on, that seems a bit pessimistic, even for me, so it's probably reincarnation because that's the most difficult one to deal with once you throw Hell out of the mix.
That would just figure, right? Billions of years...over and over...of...this...
Plus, who knows? Why should I even be reincarnated as a human? Why should it even be on Earth? Maybe I will end up as a pile of intelligent orange goo on some distant planet in some distant galaxy. There's an awful lot of space in space. I could be anything, anywhere, at any time. Would the quality of my life be better or worse?
Quality of life is important. I have a good quality of life. I'm lucky, really.
My quality of life would definitely be worse if I chopped off my hand. I will just run the garbage disposal without checking.
Smells better. Must have been rotten chicken in the garbage disposal.
I should try to find the manual for the stove clock.
It's getting late, I have to get going. I have to get to work. That was a waste of time. Completely unproductive. Maybe I can make up the time on my lunch break.
Where's my lunch?
My coffee? My keys? My wallet? My shaver? My jacket? My book? My snack? My water?
Where's that thing that I am going to forget until I start driving for about five minutes?
Got 'em.
Gotta get going. Gotta go. Gotta get through this day. Gotta make it count.
Life...it's still there.
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
What I have Been Writing
A lack of posts does not mean a lack of writing.
I am working through some drafts.
I will be back here soon.
Thanks to all who are reading.
I am working through some drafts.
I will be back here soon.
Thanks to all who are reading.
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Show Compassion
In a time before now...
In a place not here...
Master Chen and Foo...
SHOW COMPASSION
Warrior sage Master Chen was lecturing to his apprentice Foo on the virtues
of compassion when Foo interupted him.
"Master," said Foo, "I do not understand compassion."
"Foo, you do not understand anything," said Master Chen, "But you understand
that you do not understand, so ask your questions."
"Master," said Foo, "you say that we must have compassion for all living things."
"That is correct," said Master Chen.
"Plants and animals are living things," said Foo.
"That is also correct," said Master Chen.
"If I show compassion to all living things," said Foo, "I cannot harm or kill
any plants or animals. But then I will have nothing to eat. So what do I do?"
"Foo," said Master Chen, "are you asking me if you should starve yourself to
death in order to be compassionate?"
"Yes," said Foo, "I am."
"Yes, Foo," said Master Chen, "You should starve yourself to death."
Foo sat in stunned silence as the Master continued.
"Also, let poisonous snakes bite you, let wild animals eat you alive, let greedy
people take everything you have, and let one or more psychotic killers stab you
in the face multiple times."
And Foo was enlightened slightly more than he was before.
"Foo," said Master Chen, "You have that stupid enlightenment expression
on your stupid face again. You aren't enlightened, stupid, so just stop being
stupid...stupid!"
"But Master," said Foo, "Are you not teaching me that my questions are
foolish, and that every virtue must be judged and balanced by wisdom?"
"No," said Master Chen, "I literally just want you to die and leave me in
peace. If I had my sword with me I would...CUT OFF YOUR HEAD!...but I left my
sword at home...and I am feeling a bit bloated and gassy...not really in a
head-chopping mood...so, today, you must kill YOURSELF with compassion."
"Oh, master," said Foo, "I love you, too."
"That's it," said Master Chen, rising to his feet, "I'm getting my sword."
So ends the lesson of SHOW COMPASSION.
In a place not here...
Master Chen and Foo...
SHOW COMPASSION
Warrior sage Master Chen was lecturing to his apprentice Foo on the virtues
of compassion when Foo interupted him.
"Master," said Foo, "I do not understand compassion."
"Foo, you do not understand anything," said Master Chen, "But you understand
that you do not understand, so ask your questions."
"Master," said Foo, "you say that we must have compassion for all living things."
"That is correct," said Master Chen.
"Plants and animals are living things," said Foo.
"That is also correct," said Master Chen.
"If I show compassion to all living things," said Foo, "I cannot harm or kill
any plants or animals. But then I will have nothing to eat. So what do I do?"
"Foo," said Master Chen, "are you asking me if you should starve yourself to
death in order to be compassionate?"
"Yes," said Foo, "I am."
"Yes, Foo," said Master Chen, "You should starve yourself to death."
Foo sat in stunned silence as the Master continued.
"Also, let poisonous snakes bite you, let wild animals eat you alive, let greedy
people take everything you have, and let one or more psychotic killers stab you
in the face multiple times."
And Foo was enlightened slightly more than he was before.
"Foo," said Master Chen, "You have that stupid enlightenment expression
on your stupid face again. You aren't enlightened, stupid, so just stop being
stupid...stupid!"
"But Master," said Foo, "Are you not teaching me that my questions are
foolish, and that every virtue must be judged and balanced by wisdom?"
"No," said Master Chen, "I literally just want you to die and leave me in
peace. If I had my sword with me I would...CUT OFF YOUR HEAD!...but I left my
sword at home...and I am feeling a bit bloated and gassy...not really in a
head-chopping mood...so, today, you must kill YOURSELF with compassion."
"Oh, master," said Foo, "I love you, too."
"That's it," said Master Chen, rising to his feet, "I'm getting my sword."
So ends the lesson of SHOW COMPASSION.
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
The subtle art of saying nothing
There are a lot of things I know but there will always be more things that I don't know.
I accept my ignorance because I understand that existence is a complex process and human beings are complex creatures and societies are complex organizations and I am stuck right in the middle of it all and I am never going to fully comprehend any of it.
To deal with all of this complexity, we accept a lot of simple opinions and ideas without questioning and researching what they really mean. These ideas become our intellectual equivalence of browsing a greeting card aisle to avoid the time and effort of expressing ourselves through our own original thoughts and words.
Bumper sticker intellect.
Shrink-wrapped and fun-sized opinions.
They are mobile and convenient and a perfect accessory for that busy person on the go.
I understand.
People want to have opinions because no one wants to look foolish, although "foolish" is a word often substituted for "ignorant", which is not the same as "foolish". If you did not know this, you are not foolish, just ignorant. If you are insulted that I just called you ignorant, go look up the definition of the word "ignorant", because, if you don't, and you continue to believe that I just insulted you by calling you ignorant, that's foolish.
The good news is we can address ignorance by putting in time and effort, and utilizing the proper resources, to reach a well-informed opinion. Before doing that, however, take the time to decide if you really are passionate about an idea. If you don't care about an idea, you don't have to have an opinion. I know it feels like you should have an opinion, but you really, really don't.
Just accept your ignorance and truthfully say: "I don't know".
Or perhaps: "I don't have an opinion."
Or even: "Hmmmm..."
which is an effective, noncommittal way of moving a conversation forward if you happen to be stuck talking to a person discussing a topic on which you have no interest nor opinion. It's bound to happen time and time again.
And even if you have a well-informed opinion you still might want to consider using these noncommittal conversational techniques, because most people don't want to hear about your well-informed opinions, and have very strong opinions about where your well-informed opinions should go, particularly if they are opposed to their own opinions. Revealing, or even feigning, your ignorance will allow the other person to continue to express their opinions, without you having to agree or disagree with them, which will make you appear more intelligent and interesting.
In this way, a paradox is born in which ignorance becomes knowledge and apathy becomes compassion and silence becomes intellect and wisdom and power, and all you have to do is say nothing.
Which sounds easy...but is a surprisingly difficult thing for people to do.
I accept my ignorance because I understand that existence is a complex process and human beings are complex creatures and societies are complex organizations and I am stuck right in the middle of it all and I am never going to fully comprehend any of it.
To deal with all of this complexity, we accept a lot of simple opinions and ideas without questioning and researching what they really mean. These ideas become our intellectual equivalence of browsing a greeting card aisle to avoid the time and effort of expressing ourselves through our own original thoughts and words.
Bumper sticker intellect.
Shrink-wrapped and fun-sized opinions.
They are mobile and convenient and a perfect accessory for that busy person on the go.
I understand.
People want to have opinions because no one wants to look foolish, although "foolish" is a word often substituted for "ignorant", which is not the same as "foolish". If you did not know this, you are not foolish, just ignorant. If you are insulted that I just called you ignorant, go look up the definition of the word "ignorant", because, if you don't, and you continue to believe that I just insulted you by calling you ignorant, that's foolish.
The good news is we can address ignorance by putting in time and effort, and utilizing the proper resources, to reach a well-informed opinion. Before doing that, however, take the time to decide if you really are passionate about an idea. If you don't care about an idea, you don't have to have an opinion. I know it feels like you should have an opinion, but you really, really don't.
Just accept your ignorance and truthfully say: "I don't know".
Or perhaps: "I don't have an opinion."
Or even: "Hmmmm..."
which is an effective, noncommittal way of moving a conversation forward if you happen to be stuck talking to a person discussing a topic on which you have no interest nor opinion. It's bound to happen time and time again.
And even if you have a well-informed opinion you still might want to consider using these noncommittal conversational techniques, because most people don't want to hear about your well-informed opinions, and have very strong opinions about where your well-informed opinions should go, particularly if they are opposed to their own opinions. Revealing, or even feigning, your ignorance will allow the other person to continue to express their opinions, without you having to agree or disagree with them, which will make you appear more intelligent and interesting.
In this way, a paradox is born in which ignorance becomes knowledge and apathy becomes compassion and silence becomes intellect and wisdom and power, and all you have to do is say nothing.
Which sounds easy...but is a surprisingly difficult thing for people to do.
Monday, October 20, 2014
Connections: Ernest Hemingway to Woody Allen
Connections are entries tracing the connections being various books, films, and music I have been exploring. Any given allusion in these entries is worth experiencing but I find the connections between the experiences to be even more interesting to explore...
Last week, I finished reading the Ernest Hemingway memoir A Moveable Feast. It is about Hemingway's time as a expatriate in Paris in the 1920's. The book appeals somewhat to an intellectual fantasy of mine, living in a world where days are spent discussing profound and revolutionary ideas with some of the greatest artistic minds of the decade and features several famous authors including F. Scott Fitzgerald, Ford Madox Ford, James Joyce, Wyndham Lewis, and Gertrude Stein. It appears that many of these artists had intelligent and sensitive minds, which can make dealing with the day-to-day tedium of existence difficult; perhaps they make better friends through their writing than they would have made face-to-face.
If you have seen the Woody Allen film Midnight in Paris, a lot of the film was inspired by A Moveable Feast and also The Sun Also Rises, which was Hemingway's first novel and well worth reading as well. If you are interested in watching some other Woody Allen films, here is a list of ten popular films, selected from various point of his career, that will give you a good starting point:
Stardust Memories is particularly interesting because it was so heavily influenced by Federico Fellini, which will be the topic of the next Connections entry...
Last week, I finished reading the Ernest Hemingway memoir A Moveable Feast. It is about Hemingway's time as a expatriate in Paris in the 1920's. The book appeals somewhat to an intellectual fantasy of mine, living in a world where days are spent discussing profound and revolutionary ideas with some of the greatest artistic minds of the decade and features several famous authors including F. Scott Fitzgerald, Ford Madox Ford, James Joyce, Wyndham Lewis, and Gertrude Stein. It appears that many of these artists had intelligent and sensitive minds, which can make dealing with the day-to-day tedium of existence difficult; perhaps they make better friends through their writing than they would have made face-to-face.
If you have seen the Woody Allen film Midnight in Paris, a lot of the film was inspired by A Moveable Feast and also The Sun Also Rises, which was Hemingway's first novel and well worth reading as well. If you are interested in watching some other Woody Allen films, here is a list of ten popular films, selected from various point of his career, that will give you a good starting point:
- Sleeper
- Annie Hall
- Manhattan
- The Purple Rose of Cairo
- Hannah and Her Sisters
- Crimes and Misdemeanors
- Bullets Over Broadway
- Deconstructing Harry
- Match Point
- Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Stardust Memories is particularly interesting because it was so heavily influenced by Federico Fellini, which will be the topic of the next Connections entry...
Friday, October 17, 2014
Love is blind
The other day, I saw an auxiliary sticker on a vial of Viagra.
Please note that, while the sticker I read did reside on a vial of Viagra, it was not my vial of Viagra.
The sticker was a warning about using Viagra and it read as follows:
Are they having sex and going blind, and then choosing not to immediately contact a doctor?
If so, let's hope they aren't having sex to reproduce.
Please note that, while the sticker I read did reside on a vial of Viagra, it was not my vial of Viagra.
The sticker was a warning about using Viagra and it read as follows:
Report any sudden loss of vision to your doctor immediately.Are there people out there who actually need this advice?
Are they having sex and going blind, and then choosing not to immediately contact a doctor?
If so, let's hope they aren't having sex to reproduce.
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